Host: James Marsters is here, by the way. Lean forward there, James, and speak into the microphone. James: Hello, there. Host: Thanks for turning that on, Anderson. How are you, James? James: I'm doing well. Host: Good ta see ya. James is, of course, on BtVS, 8:00 on UPN. Seventh season, and it seems like you haven't been in here for awhile. Is that true? James: I think it's been like a year, or something like that. And, yeah, but I've been listening to you on the radio all the time. I drive, uh, I've got family up in the north, so I'm always, uh, on the road. Host: You're from that area, right? Went to high school in Modesto? James: Mm-hmm. Valley boy. Host: And let's see, I'm reading your bio here you've got a scar on your elbow, from when you were mugged. James: (pause) Mmm...my eyebrow. Host 2 (to host 1): Are you still loaded [drunk]? James: (laughs his adorable, infectious laugh) Got a paper cut. Host: What happened? When were you mugged? James: Oh, I've been mugged =so= many times Host: Really? James: Yeah, yeah. Host 2: Who hasn't Oh, Adam, come on. Host: Well, I';ve been rolled, but not gotten mugged. (James laughs) James: Well, this particular time I was coming back from bartending, and I was living in a bad part of Queens...uh, down by the water, in Astoria. And, um, (takes deep breath, talks faster) I was walking home and, uh, got jumped. You know, guy came up and just =pasted= me with some brass knuckles, before I said, Hello... Host: Really?? James: Yeah, not or anything, just Hello!and (James makes clocking noise). Yah, and then...(giggles)...he just said, Gimme all your money, and I said, F*ck you,and...yeah...(Host says something) Oh, yeah, so then my friends just jumped on, and I was carrying a bag, uh, with a comic book and dirty underwear in it. Host: Really. You were into that, huh? Was it your underwear? James: Yeah. Host: Why were you carrying a bag with a comic book and dirty underwear in it? James: (lightly) Ah, at that time I was in a band, and we were...just kind of, um...I don't know...sleeping at different people's places... Host: I see. You know I was just thinking about the waterfront? You know, it's either really good, like Malibu, or really bad, like... Host 2: ...Like pirates. (Hosts chatter about the waterfront.) James: (breaks in) This is, this is like a bombed out place. For real, there was like a lot of ruins, and like at that point, I was living, I didn't have glass on my windows. I had newspaper on my windows, yeah. Host: Really. Now, foil foil is the classy. James: (carelessly) Yeah. But I didn't have the intelligence to use foil. Host: All right. Well, now look at you making a ton of money... James: Finally, yeah. Host: You've got all these websites you got a bunch of chicks chasing you, right? James: (amused) Yeah. Actually =physically= chasing me now, which is (lets the sentence drift off) (Host says something) Host: Your band is playing now, this week at the Knitting Factory? James: Yep, at the Knitting Factory, on Saturday and Sunday. And we're gonna release our album. (Host repeats info, as well as Buffy viewing times, then says they'll start taking some phone calls) (First caller, female, asks how early is too early to have sex. Hosts make jokes. No James. Host2 tells girl she should wait till she is positive she wants to have intercourse.) James: (slides in) Yeah, you should be able to make him wait three months, yeah...he should at least wait three months. (Host 1 jokingly yet warningly tells girl to shut up while the hosts are talking. Girl shuts up. Hosts talk about age brackets, how the guy is much older than the teen girl) James: (slides in) But at your age, if you can't make him wait for three months, he doesn't really (hesitates with these next words)...love...you...anyway...I mean, I hate to...but yeah, he should, he should allow three months... (Hosts chat more with girl. Girl has question for James, asking why he has an accent on that show ;) James: Uh...cause I think the boss lived in England for awhile, and he just wanted a punk rocker - he wanted an original punk rocker, yeah. Girl: Wow, you fooled me. James (singsong): Ha, ha. (Both girl and James laugh.) James: Yeah I'm a big faker. (Host says that';s talent, then jabbers about not being able to make funny voices like James can.) James: (laughing gently) Yeah, but you get paid for saying something, I get paid for doing funny voices. (Hosts play music, jabber. James makes slight comment on opera clip playing.) James (laughs adorably): Oh, yeah. I got taught opera like, vocal production in college, but they used to try to beat it into you. Host: Did they beat it into you? James: Hmm? No, I was too - (Second caller, teenage boy, calls in. Seriously says the hosts are his God and Jesus Hosts laugh.) Host: What's James? One of the Romans? James: No, no. I'm bad, aren't I? Yeah. Satan's spawn. (laughs) (Boy wants to know if your penis bends if you masturbate too much. Gee whiz. Host1 says it's possible, he has no clue.) James: Yeah, you can actually get to the G-Spot better if your penis does bend that way. Host1: Really? If it goes up, not to the side? James (hesitantly, defers to Host2): Uh, what do you think - what's your opinion... (Host2, whos some sort of licensed doctor, says vitamins make bending go away. And now this transcriber knows far more about this than she ever wanted to know.) James (from background): Oh, try vitamin B, I';m sorry... (Caller 3, teen girl, says hosts are her gods, and that James is a total hottie.) James (low, sexily): Thank you... (Girl sigh/giggles. Hosts ask what's wrong. Girl says that she's been acting promiscuous since she was dumped by her boyf, to the point of flashing her thongs at men. Hosts and James are speechless.) James (sounds like he's actually sniggering at this point, but quickly suppresses it): You know...I think you really can get a male's attention with a lot less. You really can. Guys they're so horny, man. (Hosts and James sound like they're trying hard not to laugh on-the-air, but you can imagine the looks they're giving each other in the studio. The girl leaves phone and hosts hang up. Caller 4 is a girl whose lover just urinated in her bed. What should she do? Host1 says he himself does it. Hosts say that it just happens.) James (sounds faintly disgusted): Uh, yeah, that's the thing. If you don't want that to happen again, don't sleep with him again, because... (Host 1 talks about how he had an accident once during some dream about being a gladiator. James and Host 2 listen and laugh. It's actually a funny story in a gross way.) James: See, I thought this lady's guy peed on her for a sexual thing. (Girl says no, he just did it. Hosts take commercial break. They return, talk about how impressed they are at James creating a character, and accent.) James: There are so many actors who can do that, but they're in theater. They're all over the country. But you always have this annoying phase when you're a young adult where you're the annoying guy who does a bunch of accents, which nobody likes. (Host asks about James band playing at the upcoming Knitting Factory gig.) James: Yeah, and we're starting to tighten up, I swear to god, we played the Crest, uh, two weeks ago up in Sacramento, it was a thousand people, and we...were good. We actually got off the stage saying,You know, that was, that was tight. Host: And you got a CD coming out? Or you're going into the studio? James: Nope. We were in the studio - uh, we were up in Pus Cavern up in Sacramento uh, over the summer, when we first got together and we cut an album...and, um...we're gonna go back in the studio and cut a second one before we lose our drummer. Who's, I think, gonna go to South America. Host: And drum, or smoke weed and surf? James: No, he's going to go on a mission. Yeah, like a Mormon mission. Yeah, he's a helluva (turns to someone out of hearing) can I say helluva? (Host says yes) He's a helluva drummer, and uh, a jazz drummer. Just fabulous, and our bassist is the same way...a jazz player who does rock and roll. (Caller 5, woman, rape survivor, who says that she finds herself telling her fiancee to be violent toward her in her sex life. Hosts say that this is a problem, and that she needs counseling and help. Host 2 tries to be helpful while Host 1 keeps on interjecting comments that garble Host 's message, until James breaks in.) James (seriously): Cause the thing is, if you're denying what happened when you were younger, you've actually had to rewire your brain. And it doesn't work quite as well as it probably should, and, and, a lot of things kind of go sideways because of that. And that's not going to stop unless you go back and do the hard work, and, and really...deal with those early experiences. (Host 1 actually gathers himself and gives her a pretty good send-off, and ends the call. Hosts and James make noises on what they just heard. Caller 6, young man, sounds really star-struck by Host 2, wondered what that flesh thing he was touching on his girlfriend last night. Hosts answer, then discuss among themselves. Caller 7, young man, got his girlfriend pregnant, and his girlfriend wants to break up. Hosts agree that all parties involved are troubled. Commercial break. Hosts reintroduce James, saying that he got a touch of bronchitis.) James (hacking coughs in the background, then starts laughing): Yeah, I'm panicking because I'm singing in front of a thousand people, and the LA Times is gonna be there on Saturday, and I've got bronchitis. Host: He's going to be at the Knitting Factory this Saturday... (Both James and Host laugh) James (giggling adorably like a little boy): Yeah! Come see me, and (deliberately makes loud hacking coughs)... (Caller 8, excited 18-yr-old girl, has a couple of questions for James.) James (playfully): Helloo, there. Girl: Hey, James! Oh my god, I love you so much, I think you're so hot!!! James: Thank you, darling, but they use a lot of makeup. Girl (laughs like she's gonna hyperventilate): Um, actually, I was wondering, um, first, what's it like working with Joss Whedon? James: Well, you know, Joss breaks story and he edits a lot, but he's not directing anymore. Which really bums me out, uh, but when he does direct, he's the most specific, he takes the most takes, and nobody can tell him no for anything, because he's, you know, he's Joss. So they give him all the cranes and special shots that he wants, and you always get a really good show. (NOTE: Here, James sounds as though he's answered this question so often, he knows how to boil it down to the bare minimum.) James (briskly): But he's always, you know, he's like a jester, like Adam he kinda likes to stir it up a bit with humor. You know. Put people off their guard. (Girl asks what is his favorite Buffy episode.) James: Um, uh...um...it was the one that scared me the most, the one where I had to wear that wig and be William? (Girl laughs, James joins in with his boyish laugh. Adds in a really lispy, effeminate voice) And talk like this. (laughs, back to normal, then sounds like he's suppressing a cough) That, that scared me, terrified me. (Turns away from the mike to cough) Girl (feels really bad at how sick he sounds): Aww, oh, okay. Host 1: He's got some coughing to do. But Christina, he's hot in person, James is. James (hacking away in the background, recovers for a sec): Thank you. (Caller 9, young male, asks about unit size. Hosts answer. Commercial break. Host says that James will be performing at the K-factory, if the tuberculosis doesn't kill him. ;) James (cheerily): Yup. Host: And if it doesn't kill us too. James (sweetly, but sounding clogged): Yup. You're all infected; this is a big, diseased... Host: I got a nice James-phlegm floater on top of my coffee... James: Got ya a souvenir. Host: Probably use it as a coaster. (James laughs a phlegm-free laugh. Caller 10, young male law student, calls about being infections with being uncircumsized. Really detailed and messy discussion. Kinda hilarious. Lots of laughing and ad hoc comments from Hosts and James and Guest. Caller 11, middle aged woman, kinda drunk sounding, who said, I'm a b- and then hung up. Hosts ponder what she was, and James postulates that she was going to say Byzantine spy.More chatter among the three, about anti-psychotic drugs and their impact on the mental healthcare system. Caller 12, young woman, having panic attack from being on live radio (James: We got nothin to do...what's up?), then asks about her masturbation addiction. Host2 does a thorough job answering. Host1 tells her to just stop it.) James (interrupting): I think the right to masturbate is like a right under the Constitution, uh, under the pursuit of happiness, isn't it? That's code for that. I choose to take it that way. (Caller 13, young Mormon girl, says she doesn't believe in God but despite her protests, her mom keeps sending her to church and private seminaries.) James: Until you believe in Him? Well, just tell her that you believe in Him, so that you don't have to go to all that stuff. Girl: But, isn't that a lie? James: It's an equivocation. (Snort - love the way he says that!) (Hosts chat about how deadbeat dads who have kids and then abandon them are evil.) James (protesting): Well, yeah, but then the dad doesn't get a relationship with his daughter. (Host1 has a long mock-tirade about how terrible deadbeat dads are, and how they should all be punished in the future. Host 2 says to someone: You offended him! Don't know what that was in reference to, but James laughs a bit. Caller 14, young woman wants to tell her parents she has an STD. They talk about bra sizes with woman. Commercial break. Caller 15, young girl, caught STD, doesn't know what to do. Chatting from his few comments, James sounds somewhat hoarse. He laughs a LOT, though, and he always sounds so likeable and boyish. Caller 16, teen girl, has question for James, whom she loves and adores. ;) James (casually): Hey, Lauren. Lauren: Hi. James: I get so embarrassed when people say that, but that's...I dig it too, I'm... Lauren (laughs): I was wondering about Julliard? What was it like? And why did you leave? James: Yeah. (pauses) Hell on Earth. I went to a good acting program before that, thank god. Uh, Julliard was not a good program when I went there, and um, I really can't pretend to say that I'm, um...(laughs)...uh, yeah, they kicked me out. They told me I should not be an actor. Host: Wasn't it really difficult to get in? James (seriously): Very difficult, yeah... Host: What was the process to get into Julliard? James: Uh...you audition, and you have to write an essay. Host: And is it a multiple-audition process? James (lightly): Ah, yeah, it lasts the afternoon. Oh yeah, you had to get a bunch of testimonials. Host: How old were you? James (almost carelessly): Uh...nineteen? And I was just like, oil and water. I stood out like up in the first, the first play, and told everybody when we were rehearsing that it was a piece of crap, that we'd better get going or we were gonna bore everybody to tears. And then...people didn't like that. And they all thought I was an asshole, but I came from a place where we didn't bore the audience so badly, that was a professional place...PCPA, in Santa Maria, it's a really good professional theater... Host: Okay, at Julliard, were most of these people at what age? James: This was like college, and graduate school, yeah. Yeah, it's, it's college. Yeah, they like to get them at 17 [years of age] if they can, get them as young as possible, because they're brainwashing people, basically. Host: And is it a four-year [college]? And it's full-time, it's like you're fencing, and movement, and improv, you're just...everything everyday. James (seriously): Yeah. Uh-huh, yeah. Everything except acting. The actual ACTING classes were almost non-existent. It was like, this is not an acting college. This is a speech college. Host: Interesting. So they booted you out after a year? James: No, two years. Oh yeah, they were brutal. (getting agitated) They said to me, don't be an actor, you'll just get bitter. (nervous, tense giggle) Yeah, and I said, well, I've been acting since the fourth grade, and every time I get in front of an audience, it's really pretty good and I was doing well before I met you guys, so I'll go back to do that. Host: Well, it all worked out. James (off-guard): Yeeeah...well, it took me awhile, yeah, but I, uh... Host2: But you really did get bitter, of course. James (recomposes himself, laughs): Yeah, I did. (giggles, back to normal) I really did get kind of bitter, you know. If I'd thought Julliard was like the end-all, be-all, I'd be like, a grade A actor, by now. It's supposed to be a good program, but it's a big lie. (Ignoring and interrupting the beginning of Host's own story, and directly asking Lauren) Does that answer your question about Julliard? Don't go there. Host1: All right, Lauren? Host2 (casually): Good music programs. James (suddenly with great enthusiasm): Yeah, GREAT music programs. A great dance program, too. But not, not for theater. (Suddenly talking faster and faster) Plus, there's no air in that building, because there are big Stradivarius up on the fourth floor, and they can't get any oxygen in there, you just die. Seriously, you go, you go to sleep. You go in there, and twenty minutes after you go in the building, you get very sleepy, and you go out to lunch, you get waked up again...(ends his very interesting and agitated semi-rant) Host1: Really?! Can't they control the air temperature or something for the Stradivarius ...did he just do violins, or did he do...so they have a bunch of them upstairs? James: They've got, oh yeah, they've got so many...(Hosts keep trying to switch topic to violins, and how Julliard should have them kept out of oxygen, until James says with vehement sarcasm)...Couldn';t let any of that oxygen in, that damning oxygen! Host1 (half-jokingly): All right, all right...calm down now, James. James (sniffling, then hoarse whisper): Sorry. I'm angry. Host1: I think, uh, think this has become too cathartic for you. (louder) James Marsters is our guest tonight, Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer so, uh, take that, Julliard! We'll, uh, take a quick break, and we'll be right back. (Commercial break. Host introduces James again.) Host: James? I noticed your knuckles were red, like you've been socking a refrigerator or something. James (a big contrast from pre-break voice; pretty normal sounding, although kind of hoarse): Oh, man. That's just, uh... Host: Did you get in a fight? James: No, this is just makeup. I got in a fake fight. Cuz I was fighting Eric again, in a big foam suit, and he looked like a big big demon. And uh, yeah, I think I got a lot of blood coming out of my ears still I was, you know, I drove home...(host interjects joke about opera, James laughs adorably before continuing)...no, I, I forgot to take off, like, I often get beat up on the show, when I was driving home one night, and uh, I just had the blood all over my face, and the cops stopped me and just, you know, flashlights, and they had a hard time believing it was... Host: They did a good job look at the knuckles. James: I know, looks good. (Caller 17, 20-yr-old girl, who just wanted to say that James is cute, and I love you) James (very low, sexy): Thank you, I'm picturing you very cute too. (NOTE: With his voice, he could be a successful phone sex operator, seriously!) Girl (laughs delightedly): Well, I hope so! Everyone says so! But, um, I have a theory on the bra-scaling thing... (Hosts and girl chat about why it's arranged A, B, C, D, DD, DDD, E, F...etc.) James (laughs): You know, I think that it's because most women would want to be the medium size. It's the D, right? Yeah, they don't want to be bigger than them. (Hosts and James have brief chat about size theory, much cute laughing by yours truly. One more caller, and then the shows over. End program...Thank god. ~ PixenVixen)