| Chance | |
Transcribed by: lilycat | |
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Notes: It is preferable that you provide a link rather than directly copy these transcripts to your site. However, if you really want to, please credit jamesmarsters-justmagic.com and keep the rest of this header intact. Notes: Written, Produced & Directed by Amber Benson. Running time 75 mins. Available to buy from www.chancemovie.com | |
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Cast: |
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Black Screen. Over credits. CHANCE (V.O.): Alright. You live your life in a totally normal, full on reality check kind of way. That's good and cool. Things don't get messed up, people you love hang around until you can't stand them anymore. Things never change. But shit like that doesn't happen in real life. In real life, it's just a movie with someone's finger jammed on fast forward. The numbers change faster than you can count. Cut to a dimly lit bedroom. A woman lies sprawled on the bed. CHANCE (V.O.): When you're a little kid you never think that you'll die. I mean, death is just some obscure, esoteric thing that you see on t.v. or read about in a book. Then one day you realize what it really is... and nothing is ever the same again. From that day on you're fucked. Scene - Interior of an apartment. The front door opens and a young man with bleached hair (SIMON) enters. He carries a bag of groceries and shuts the door behind him. SIMON walks down the hall as he speaks. SIMON: Hey Chance - You up yet? Guess who I met at the grocery store? That, uh… Cut to a closer view of the woman on the bed. Her eyes are open, but she looks dead. Cut back to SIMON, who is now in the kitchen. SIMON: … friend of yours - you know, what's his name? SIMON puts away groceries as he continues. SIMON: You know who I'm talking about? Shit - how the fuck could I forget his name? I just spent twenty minutes talking to him in frozen foods… SIMON walks towards the bedroom, looking for CHANCE. CHANCE (V.O.): It sucks when you're responsible for exposing someone you love to the shitty side of life. You feel like an asshole. SIMON opens the bedroom door and walks over to the bed. SIMON: Hey. Wake up you jerk. Jumping onto the bed, SIMON lies next to the dead woman. He tickles her side to get her attention. Looking closer, he realises that she is dead and he looks horrified. SIMON: Shit! SIMON jumps off the bed and backs away across the room. When he reaches the wall, he slides down and sits on the floor, not taking his eyes off the body. SIMON: (quietly) Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus… CHANCE (V.O.): It's never how it seems in the movies. Something inside of you immediately realizes that the person is dead and you can't help but be shocked. I think people cry when someone dies because deep down inside they're glad that it wasn't them. Because in the end the only person you care about is yourself. You can't get into someone else's head, you can't get into their soul, they mean nothing to you. You blink- and they're gone. Close up on SIMONs face as he silently watches the body. Cut to - A tree lined residential street. Daytime. A man plays a guitar and sings as he follows the camera down the street. Over credits: MINSTREL: The walls are crumbling here
The MINSTREL has walked into an apartment complex courtyard, and rests against a doorway. Fade to black. Cut to CHANCE, sitting on a wall outside. She is sketching in a book as she addresses camera.There's no shelter for you my dear Get out while you can And I'm sorry my friend But you knew this had to end When the place has been condemned Burning down, burn me down, burn me down Burn me down to the ground Burn me down to the ground The light from my window calls Come and walk these vaulted halls Rest here in my bed And still it doesn't show I was rotting from below So before it's time to go You gotta burn it down Burn me down, burn me down Burn me down to the ground Burn me down to the ground CHANCE: Oh. The dead girl in the bed. That's Sara. She was this random girl I met at a cheesy nightclub in The Valley. Cut to - CHANCE's apartment. CHANCE and SARA enter through the front door and they stumble and giggle together in the hallway. They are obviously drunk or high. They start to kiss as they make their way to the living room. SIMON, who was asleep on the sofa, wakes up at the noise. SARA: Wait a minute... SARA takes her chewing gum out of her mouth and sticks it on the wall. CHANCE: (laughing) You can't put gum on the wall- The two women kiss again and stumble. In the living room, SIMON watches from his sofa as the women walk to the bedroom. CHANCE (V.O.): That's Simon. He's a nice guy. Too nice. And for precisely that reason he gets his dick dragged all over the place. SIMON: Shit, what time's it? CHANCE (V.O.): Such a pushover. SIMON looks around, confused. Cut to - SIMON in the bathroom. He is wearing trousers - no top. He reads the back of a deodorant bottle. CHANCE (V.O.): I know some people are turned on by armpits, but I don't think they've ever met Simon before. His BO is caustic. Cut back to SIMON on the sofa. The women are noisily moving to the bedroom. SIMON sniffs his armpit and a disgusted look crosses his face. He throws his pillow at the noise and angrily tries to rearrange himself under his blanket. SIMON: Shit, shit, shit! Cut to an office cubicle, SIMON is behind a desk, wearing a telephone headset. SIMON: (to person on other end of phone) Yes, my name is SIMON. May I speak to- (checking his list) Sally Thompson? Hello?... Hello? CHANCE (V.O.): Poor Simon just doesn't seem to have what it takes to sell long distance telephone service over the phone. SIMON hangs up and dials another number. SIMON: Hello, my name is Simon, and I'd like to s-…Yes. (pause) Yes, I'm wearing pants. He scrubs the name off his list. CHANCE (V.O.): But he does seem to have some uncanny knack for picking up weirdoes in the most bizarre places. Cut to - Outside, Daytime. SIMON is stood against a wall holding a bag of groceries. A young grungy couple (JOHNNY and his GIRLFRIEND) are standing next to him. SIMON listens to their conversation. GIRL: ( to JONNY) I just think that changing my name to Butterfly would be a nice homage. JONNY: To what? GIRL: To the girl in the tree, dummy. (to SIMON) Jonny sometimes loses the train of the conversation. I used to get mad at him but that didn't work. Now I'm trying positive reinforcement. (strokes JONNYs face) JONNY: (to SIMON) I always know when I'm not focussing, 'cause she always kisses me or feels me up or something. SIMON: (watches the couple get closer to each other) Doesn't that defeat the purpose? JONNY: You thought I was the dumb one in this relationship. GIRL: You better be nice to me Jonny. Or I'm gonna fuck your brains out. SIMON looks embarrassed. JONNY: (to GIRL) I'll meet you back in the apartment in ten minutes. The GIRL leaves JONNY and SIMON together. JONNY moves towards SIMON and speaks confidentially. JONNY: Dude. She has done over three hundred hits of acid. Oh, have you tried those vegan veggie pocket things? Pretty awesome, man. Tofu cheese is a totally killer thing. Do you know who invented it? SIMON: Who? JONNY: I thought you knew. SIMON: No. JONNY: Oh. SIMON: (stares at JONNY) Well? JONNY is sidetracked and looks blissed out. SIMON: (concerned) Are you alright? JONNY: Just an epiphany, man. It's this whole tofu cheese thing. SIMON: (suddenly desperate to leave) Look, I gotta go. Chance is, you know- JONNY: (confused) No, what? SIMON: She's uh, waiting for me. I bought her some, you know… feminine stuff. So I guess I'll see you later then. JONNY tries a complicated handshake. SIMON leaves. JONNY: (puts hand to ear like a phone) I'll call you! Cut to - CHANCE's kitchen. CHANCE is sitting on a counter eating a bowl of cereal. SIMON comes in and leans on another counter, looking at the cheap beer she has. SIMON: Why do you buy this crap when you can afford the good stuff? CHANCE: (to camera) Trust fund baby. (to SIMON) I like it better. SIMON: Suit yourself. (smug) I met a girl today. CHANCE: Really, that's grea- (suspicious) Where? SIMON: (ignores her) She's really nice and she's got a great voice- CHANCE: You're completely skirting the issue. SIMON: And I'm supposed to meet her outside a bar at eleven o'clock. CHANCE: You're full of shit, Simon. SIMON: So, I'm just going to take a shower and work on my stuff. CHANCE: Where'd you meet her, Simon? SIMON: None of your business CHANCE: Where'd you meet her? SIMON: (warning) Shut up. CHANCE: Where'd you meet her, Simon! SIMON: (frustrated) Okay okay, on the phone! Okay, are you satisfied, huh? Huh? CHANCE: You met her at work? She could be some kind of (starts to laugh) serial rapist or something. SIMON: (chuckles) Serial rapist? You're just jealous 'cause I might get lucky tonight. CHANCE: (shakes head) Oh, not on my couch, you're not. SIMON: That is my couch. CHANCE: You may sleep on it, but I don't see you paying rent, brother. SIMON: (hugely frustrated) I HATE it when you call me that! I am not your brother! Thank God… CHANCE: It's just a figure of speech, Simon. You know, like we are all God's children. SIMON: Ha. (quietly) You sound like your mother. CHANCE: I know, I talked to her today for like ten hours. SIMON: God, I hate it when your mother calls. Last time she missed you, she talked to me for two hours. CHANCE: I think she's just lonely. SIMON: No shit… I'm gonna go get ready. SIMON leaves the room. CHANCE: (calling after him) It's only four o'clock, weirdo. CHANCE: (to camera) Okay, so Simon's a little hard up. Not that he's the only one- There is a knock on the front door. CHANCE: (to camera) Probably for me since Simon doesn't have any friends. CHANCE opens the front door. A young, handsome, grungy man (RORY) stands in the doorway. CHANCE: (not interested) Yeah, what do you want? RORY: I wanna talk to you. RORY grabs CHANCE by the arm and drags her out of the apartment and through the courtyard. A young neighbour (MILTON) watches the excitement from his doorway, as RORY picks up a struggling CHANCE and walks off with her. CHANCE: (to MILTON) What the hell are you looking at, you perv? RORY: opens the passenger door and pushes CHANCE in. He slams the door behind her, then climbs in the drivers side. CHANCE tries to open the door, but RORY pulls her arm away. RORY: I wanna talk to you where you can't get away. CHANCE: Jesus Christ, how old are you? This is absolutely ridiculous. We slept together ONCE. RORY: No, we didn't sleep together Chance. (soppy) We made love - for your information there is a big difference. CHANCE: Give me a break. CHANCE jumps for the skylight, but he drags her back. RORY: Look, look…I know you think I'm just some stupid actor, but- CHANCE: Yeah, so? RORY: (frustrated) God, you are such a bitch. CHANCE: (can't believe he said that) Oh, I'm a bitch? Why is it okay for men to fuck and run, but damn it if a woman gets it into her silly little head to cut out of a relationship - not that that is what we had- Where was I? You made me lose my train of thought! Oh, yeah, I was saying why is it okay for a man to ditch you after sex, but a woman does it and she's a cunt, or a bitch! RORY: No, no no. That's not what I'm saying- CHANCE: Would you just stop interrupting me, I wasn't finished. God! RORY: Sorry… CHANCE: Rory, you cannot just manhandle me into your fuckin' car and expect me to jump your bones or something. For one thing (takes arm away from RORY) Ugh for one thing, it is light outside and there are kids in my building. What if one of them came outside to play baseball or something and saw your hairy ass pressed up against the windshield-- RORY: (trying to explain) I don't want to have sex with you- CHANCE: Wait a minute. What did you just say? Huh? RORY: I don't wanna have sex with you- CHANCE: (offended) I'm not good enough for you now or something? RORY: No, I just want to- CHANCE: Rory, what are you trying to say? Spit it out. RORY: Can't we just talk like before? CHANCE: (sarcastic) Before. Cut to CHANCE's bedroom. CHANCE and RORY are lying next to each other on the bed. CHANCE looks bored. RORY: When I was a kid my dad used to take me to the zoo to see the lions 'cause they were my favourite. Cut back to RORYs car. CHANCE: You mean before I got so fucking bored I fell asleep (through clenched teeth) and you still kept talking... RORY looks lost for words. CHANCE unlocks the door and gets out. RORY starts sobbing. Chance looks undecided, then pulls a face and goes back over to him. CHANCE: Shit. Okay, c'mon, it can't be that bad. RORY cries louder. CHANCE: (unwilling) Let's just (pulls face) go inside and…talk. She tentatively pats his hand. Cut to the Minstrel on a chair next to CHANCE's bed. MINSTREL: (sings) Baby I see
Cut to CHANCE's living room. RORY sits on a chair with a cushion, sobbing into a tissue. SIMON and CHANCE are sitting on the floor in front of him. The spark of love in your eyes And since the day that we met I've felt this need for you deep inside And you wonder if I feel [shot of MILTON watching CHANCE] The same way you do I wonder how long I lay here Listening to you Baby love would be unlikely Don't you understand Sister this is a one night stand [shot of CHANCE looking disgusted with MILTON, who takes a Polaroid of her and RORY. She tells him he is a dweeb] You were so Dirty naughty and fine And those green apple martinis They blew your mind In the doorway at Lola's You whispered my name You said baby Give me the hot stuff I like it Nasty and rough Make me scream in pain I want to bone you This instant Or I'll go insane So we did And in the hangover glow Love might sound like a plan But baby that was a one night stand SIMON: What did you do to him? CHANCE: What do you mean, me? SIMON: I see a grown man sobbing like a baby and I know that the only person to do it is you. CHANCE: Oh, so I reduce grown men to tears. Great. I should just go shoot myself already. SIMON: What are we gonna do with him? CHANCE: Well you could take him to one of those nudie bars you go to and introduce him to some of your friends. SIMON punches her arm. CHANCE: Ow! That hurt. SIMON: Then stop being such an asshole. I could say something just as rude, but I'm not going to. CHANCE: What? SIMON: (childish) No. Not gonna say it. CHANCE: Say it. SIMON: (sing-song) No-ope. CHANCE: Fine. SIMON: I was gonna say that you could just take him back to your room and give him what he wants. CHANCE: I am not a whore. SIMON snorts. CHANCE: Whatever. (to RORY) Stop crying! He sobs harder. SIMON: You're just gonna make him cry harder, dummy. CHANCE: Well tell him to 'shut up' or something. SIMON: (to RORY, matter of fact) Rory, I know that Chance is hell on wheels, but you can't take her so seriously. I mean, she is clinically insane, but- CHANCE: What Simon meant to say is that that's how we met. At a small psychiatric facility in Santa Barbara - we roomed together. Cut to fantasy sequence. Hospital corridor. An ORDERLY is followed by CHANCE. They stop outside a door. CHANCE: I so don't need to be here! ORDERLY: (indifferent) Look…(checks name on clipboard) Chase…it's not my job to make any decisions as to whether you belong here or not. CHANCE: Bullshit. You know what, you could close your eyes and I would be gone in two seconds, no skin off of your nose. In fact I could hit you over the head, give you a nice bruise to show your friends and everything. ORDERLY: Sounds like fun. But then I'd lose my job. Sorry, no dice. Look, no-ones gonna solve your problems for you. You have to deal with your own demons, they're in your head, not anyone else's. CHANCE: (cold) I like my demons. I consider them close personal friends. In fact, we enjoy each others company immensely. ORDERLY: You're an interesting girl, I think you'll like your new room-mate. CHANCE: Room-mate…no-one said anything about having to live with another gross, disgusting, slobby human being. ORDERLY: That's just the way it goes, Chase. CHANCE: (warning) If you don't want me to go all Hannibal Lecter on you then I suggest you quit calling me Chase. ORDERLY: You watch too much t.v. (pushes CHANCE into the room) Cut to inside the room. It is bare, and SIMON is lying on a cot staring at the ceiling. CHANCE: (to orderly) He's a guy. I'm not rooming with a guy. My parents did not pay all that money for me to be raped by some drug abuser. ORDERLY: Admissions thought you were a guy. Besides, this is the only bed we got left. Simon's harmless. The ORDERLY leaves. CHANCE sighs in frustration and sits heavily on the bed. SIMON: You made me forget what number I was on. CHANCE: What are you talking about? SIMON: Now I have to start over. (looks back at the ceiling) One, two, three, four, five, six... CHANCE: What're you doing? SIMON: Counting. CHANCE: What? SIMON: Black dots on the ceiling. I've counted the whole ceiling three times, but I've never gotten the same answer. It's almost like counting the milky way. CHANCE: Stars, don't you mean? The milky way's a galaxy. SIMON: (glances at CHANCE) Whatever. (back to ceiling) One, two, three, four - (to CHANCE) You needn't worry. I'm asexual right now. CHANCE: Sure you are. SIMON: I am. CHANCE: No one's asexual. You've gotta wanna fuck something. SIMON: Nope. Nothing. (back to ceiling) One, two, three, four- Cut to the ORDERLY entering the room later. ORDERLY: Chance, I got your stu- CHANCE and SIMON lie on SIMONs cot together, staring at the ceiling. SIMON: One thousand three… CHANCE: One thousand four… Cut back to CHANCE in her living room. CHANCE: So. Simon and I bonded over a shared love of barbiturates and obsessive compulsive behaviour. SIMON: (nostalgic) Those were the days. CHANCE: Yep. RORY: I think I'm gonna go now. CHANCE: But don't you wanna stay and 'talk' some more? RORY: No - I'm feeling much better. Much better. Well, good-bye Chance. RORY leaves in a hurry. SIMON: Do you think we overdid it on the whole 'asexual' thing? CHANCE: No, no it was pure genius. (pause) Oh, and how about my orderly? (they both nod) It's all in the details Simon. SIMON: Do you think he'll ever come back again? CHANCE: Doubtful. Highly doubtful. SIMON: (anxious) I don't come across as asexual to you, do I? Silence. SIMON: Don't do that. CHANCE (V.O): I love to harass Simon. He takes everything so seriously. Cut to SIMON standing outside a bar waiting for someone. He checks his watch. CHANCE (V.O): Like time. Simon takes time very seriously. For some reason he feels that lateness is a personal affront to him. SIMON checks his watch again and looks wound up. Cut to CHANCE's kitchen, where SIMON is watching the clock on the microwave count down. CHANCE (V.O): He's the kind of guy who gets free pizza 'cause he times the pizza guy. There is a knock on the front door. SIMON runs to answer it. PIZZA GUY: Pizza- SIMON: You're late. PIZZA GUY: Wha? SIMON: Thirty minutes or less. DOMINO'S GUY: Huh? SIMON: You're twenty-three seconds late. SIMON takes the pizza from PIZZA GUY and slams the door. PIZZA GUY bangs on the door in frustration. MILTON comes out of his apartment and speaks to him from across the courtyard. MILTON: I wouldn't do that if I were you… PIZZA GUY: (annoyed) Why? (bangs on door again) MILTON: (knowingly) They have lotsa guns. PIZZA GUY: (backing away) Uh…Thanks. MILTON: Do you have any coupons? PIZZA GUY shakes his head and walks off. SIMON is sat in the hallway eating pizza when there is a knock on the door. SIMON passes a slice to MILTON. SIMON: Thanks. CHANCE (V.O): Totally anal retentive. And a bit of a cheat. CHANCE stands in front of the bathroom mirror getting ready to go out. SIMON comes into the bathroom looking dejected. SIMON: Why do you live in this hole? CHANCE: I like slumming it. SIMON: (sighs) Can I borrow two hundred dollars? CHANCE: Why? SIMON: 'Cause they're gonna impound my car unless I pay two parking tickets by yesterday. CHANCE: Oh that sucks. SIMON: Yeah, it does. So can I borrow the two hundred? CHANCE: I don't think that's such a good idea, Simon. SIMON: (upset) Oh shit, shit, shit! CHANCE: You know, for someone who is so time obsessed, you never pay anything on time. SIMON: It's different. CHANCE: How? SIMON: If you don't wanna give me the money, I don't wanna talk about it. CHANCE: Fine, be an asshole. CHANCE kisses the mirror, leaving lipstick on it. CHANCE: I'm going out. See ya later. After she leaves, SIMON stares at the lip print in the mirror. He sighs and takes a lipstick from the collection on the sink unit. He paints his lips red, then growls and kisses the mirror where CHANCE left her lip print. He stares at the stain on the mirror. SIMON: (whispers) Bitch. CHANCE is shutting her front door when she is surprised by MILTON who has a Polaroid camera. MILTON: Hey! CHANCE: (annoyed) Jesus Christ! The Polaroid is empty. MILTON: You look pretty. CHANCE: (straight to camera) Milton has been a pain in my ass for the past six months. Every time I walk outside my door he's standing there drooling. I mean maybe some women find shit like that flattering, but me, it just pisses me off royally. I should be able to walk outside my door without the drooler taking notes. It's a free fucking country right? MILTON: Why are you talking to yourself? CHANCE: (annoyed) Mind your own damn business! (leaves) Cut to CHANCE's living room. SIMON sits on his sofa bed, sighs, and wipes the lipstick off with a tissue. He sighs again and goes to turn on the t.v. SIMON: And God said "Let there be light." (the t.v. just shows static) Shit! Shit, shit, shit (smacking the t.v.) Cut to outside a club at night. SARA and CHANCE are smoking. Sara takes the cigarette out of CHANCE's hand. CHANCE (V.O.): I remember why I hate cheesy Valley dance clubs. No smoking. SARA: (smiles) Mind if I have a drag? CHANCE: I see you're from the take first, ask later school of etiquette. SARA: Etiquette? Don't believe in it. CHANCE (V.O.): I'm not all that into girls to tell you the truth. If I want a little pussy, I got my own to play with. But, I was in the experimental phase in my twenties, and Ecstasy is a strong sexual motivator. SARA kisses CHANCE on the neck. SARA: (quiet) You smell yummy. CHANCE: Don't you think it's kind of rude to just kiss somebody without asking them first. SARA: (seductively) You don't mind (nibbles CHANCE's ear) CHANCE: I don't mind. Cut to CHANCE's kitchen. SIMON puts a burrito in the microwave and counts down with the microwave timer while spinning around slowly. SIMON: Forty-nine… Cut to outside the nightclub, where SARA and CHANCE are leaning against the wall kissing. Cut to the MINSTREL, who's song has been playing in the background up till now: MINSTREL: (sings) Margaret was a coke-head
Cut to SIMON, still spinning and counting. Cut to CHANCE, being kissed by SARA Who vacationed in rehab Kelly was a looker Who sort of gave me crabs [shot of SIMON, still spinning and counting with the microwave] Amy preferred women She still gave me a spin We fucked like rabbits And she never called again [shots of SIMON, still spinning and counting, and SARA and CHANCE making out] Susan found my softest part, yeah And that girl stole my heart That whore stole my heart That girl stole my heart CHANCE: (straight to camera) It's a little ridiculous, this whole counting down to apocalypse kind of thing. We're just gonna go somewhere a little more private. (to SARA) Let's get out of here. She and SARA leave. Cut to SIMON, finishing his countdown. SIMON: Three, two, one. The microwave beeps. SIMON takes out the burrito. CHANCE (V.O): You never really finish what you start in this world. Life's like some big ass jigsaw puzzle that you don't have the box to, so that every piece you add changes the context of the picture. 'Till you forget that you were ever looking for a particular thing in the first place. SIMON bites into the burrito and burns his mouth - he drops it. SIMON: Ow! Shit, shit, shit! Cut to SIMON entering the apartment. He has a bag of groceries in his arms. He passes CHANCE, who is lying on the floor in the living room. CHANCE: Get anything good? SIMON: Just some stuff. CHANCE: Like what? SIMON: Stuff. CHANCE: Like what kinda stuff? Like food stuff or (teasing) deodorant stuff? SIMON picks up a box from the groceries and throws it at CHANCE. CHANCE (V.O): Deodorant stuff, of course. I love to give him hell. The phone starts ringing. SIMON and CHANCE look at it. SIMON: You get it. CHANCE: No way, Jose. SIMON: If you'd just buy a stupid answering machine, we wouldn't have to do this. CHANCE: Don't believe in 'em. The phone is still ringing. SIMON: (sighs) Shit. (picks up phone) Hello? CHANCE: Who is it? Who is it? SIMON: (to phone) Yes, it is. Would you like to speak with her? (covers phone. To CHANCE) It's that guy from the club, you know that guy from Oregon… CHANCE snatches the phone from his hand and breathlessly answers. CHANCE (V.O): Let me explain, 'cause I don't normally get that worked up about guys. CHANCE: (girly) Hello? CHANCE (V.O): I have to preface this encounter by saying that Jack was- is - the most beautiful man I've ever seen. Cut to CHANCE, talking straight to camera. She is in a club. CHANCE: Immediately after we get here, Simon makes a beeline for the bathroom - of course he does, gotta check those smelly armpits. (nods towards a girl) That's Zara, she's the one who invited us tonight. She's a performance artist. She looks pissed, huh? ZARA comes over to CHANCE. ZARA: (annoyed) We are no longer friends. I mean it. You are so super inconsiderate. You were supposed to be here at nine o'clock, and it's nine thirty. What do you have to say for yourself? (interrupts CHANCE) Let me tell you, there is nothing you can say, okay? We're through (walks off). CHANCE: (pulls out a bunch of flowers) From Simon and me. ZARA: (pleased) Flowers? For me? My God, you shouldn't have (teary) I don't even have a vase. (over it) Okay Chance, it was like amazing tonight. There were so many people here - it was a zoo. CHANCE: (looks around the almost empty club) Really? A singer (JACK) is on the stage. Cut to CHANCE. CHANCE: (straight to camera) Four words. He is a God. CHANCE stares at JACK, love struck, as he sings. Cut to outside the club, CHANCE is smoking as JACK comes out. JACK: Hey. CHANCE: Hey. JACK: Hey. CHANCE: Hey. JACK: The name's Jack. You got another one of those? CHANCE: Another one of what? JACK: Another one of those. CHANCE: Oh, you mean the cigarette? JACK: (nods) Yeah. CHANCE: (pauses, looking girly at JACK) Dumb me. JACK: Sure. No problem. (pause) Sooo, you got one? CHANCE: Oh yeah, I just bought a pack earlier. JACK: That's nice. But can I have one? CHANCE: You want a cigarette? JACK: Yeah, I think so. (confused) I thought so... CHANCE: Uhm, let me see. (digs around in her bag) Shit, I know I've got one in here somewhere… JACK: You know what? It's cool, it's cool. I'll catch you later, okay? CHANCE: (as JACK walks off) Wait a minute Jack I (pulls out a broken cigarette) I found one! JACK: (comes back and smiles) But it's broken... CHANCE: Only half. JACK: (takes it) Thanks. He pulls a lighter from his pocket and lights up. CHANCE: I'm Chance. JACK: Like 'give peace a chance'? CHANCE: If you must... JACK: I have a friend named America. CHANCE: My brother's named Zero. JACK: Oh. CHANCE: He's older. My father thought it would be funny. You know, 'Come here, Zero, Chance!' JACK: It's kinda funny. CHANCE: Yeah, I guess. Well my dad's kind of…demented. So's my mother. JACK: How about Zero? CHANCE: He's a stockbroker in New York. Married with 2.5 kids. He's the vindictive sort. Voting Republican was the worst punishment he could bring down on my parents. I'm sort of the slacker. I don't really do anything. I'm a conscientious objector in the game of life. JACK: Yeah, it's war out there. CHANCE: Yeah. JACK: (pause) I'm from Oregon. You know, the next state over. CHANCE: (eager) I have a friend who lived in Portland. JACK: Oh I lived in Portland- CHANCE: Her name's Abigail- JACK: For a week. CHANCE: (disheartened) Oh, uh. Abigail Jones. JACK: I gotta go, but give me your number. I'll call you. CHANCE: (girly) Okay. Here. (pulls out a pen and writes on his arm) JACK: I'd give you mine, but… I don't have a phone. JACK leaves. SIMON comes out of the club and stands behind CHANCE. SIMON: Who was that? CHANCE: (scared) Oh, Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me, God! SIMON: (unconcerned) Sorry. (looks in the direction JACK went) He's cute. I saw him in the club. CHANCE: (girly) He's from Oregon. SIMON: Abigail's from Portland. CHANCE: I know. SIMON: Oh. Cut to CHANCE holding the phone to her ear. Her face drops. She pushes SIMON. CHANCE: (disappointed) Hello Mother. CHANCE: (disgusted, straight to camera) Great. My mother's coming to visit. Cut to Chance's mother (DESIREE), walking up to CHANCE's apartment. She knocks on the door. CHANCE (V.O.): The last time she came to visit, all hell broke loose. SIMON flings open the door. He is dressed in full make-up, a dress and women's shoes. SIMON: (high-pitched voice) Mother! It's so wonderful to see you! DESIREE: Hello, Simon (kisses his cheek) SIMON: Simon? Don't you recognize your own daughter? DESIREE: No, you're Simon. I can tell by your aura. Yours is white, Chance's is turquoise. SIMON: But I'm Chance - it's me, Mother. CHANCE is lying on the sofa, wearing SIMONs pants and shirt. She has a moustache and goatee drawn on her face. CHANCE: Hello - I must sleep. SIMON: (cheerful) Mother. Why don't you come in, and I'll fix you a nice glass of iced tea. DESIREE: (confused) But you're Simon - (off SIMONs look) Alright. Chance, sweetheart, love of my loins, yes! Let's, let's sit and drink the fruit of the Earth together. We shall give thanks to the mother goddess for the bounty she's seen fit to provide us with. Cut to - SIMON looks bored as he listens to DESIREE. DESIREE: Chance, my beauty… please bring forth the sphere of enlightenment and energize me with knowledge of your life. SIMON: I met a guy. CHANCE lobs a pillow at him from the couch. SIMON: (gives CHANCE a dirty look) From Oregon. DESIREE: Zero was conceived in Oregon. CHANCE: (from the couch) He was? SIMON: He was? DESIREE: Yes, we were driving from Eugene to Portland. SIMON: You had sex while you were driving? DESIREE: Well don't you? SIMON: No. CHANCE: Shut up, Simon. (to her mother) Where was I conceived? DESIREE: (to SIMON) Chance… you were conceived on a gondola ride in Venice. SIMON: You seem to have a lot of luck with conceiving while in transit. DESIREE: I suppose. SIMON: I didn't know you could have sex while you were driving. DESIREE: Oh yes , it's a lot of fun. Um. Especially if you're on police watch. CHANCE: You did it backwards? DESIREE: Of course. That way I could watch the road as I steered. SIMON: (thoughtful) I bet you'd have to push the seat way back. CHANCE, SIMON (still in drag) and DESIREE sit on the couch cross-legged. DESIREE: Now you say 'ohmmmm' CHANCE and SIMON share a look and both 'ohm' CHANCE (V.O): Don't get me wrong, I love my Mother. I just wish she'd go away. Cut to CHANCE's living room at night. DESIREE is sitting cross-legged on the floor swinging a crystal round her head. SIMON (still in drag) watches from the couch. SIMON: So they kicked you out for talking? DESIREE: I was communing. SIMON: With the telephone? DESIREE: I was calling to check the time (the crystal hits her head) SIMON: (wistfully) I love calling time. DESIREE: And some overly hormonal yogi came in and pulled the telephone plug right from the wall (the crystal hits her in the head again). SIMON: I hate it when that happens... Mother? Can I have two hundred dollars? DESIREE: I'm sorry, dear, but I have no money. I have renounced the physical world in order to… explore the vagaries, that a purely aesthetic life throws before me. SIMON: Shit, shit, shit... CHANCE (V.O): SIMON had to be pretty desperate to hit my mother up for money. DESIREE: Simon, I've enjoyed this little charade that you and Chance dreamed up, but the truth is that I came here with a specific matter in mind. SIMON: Oh. DESIREE: I suppose I should forewarn you that what I have to tell Chance may upset the delicate balance of her slothful life. SIMON: Okay. I understand. Whatever you have to tell Chance is gonna make her coocoo for cocoa puffs. DESIREE: Precisely. Cut to CHANCE's living room, later. DESIREE and CHANCE sit on the couch. CHANCE: Divorce, but why? You guys are so (sighs) perfectly psychotic together. DESIREE: (upset) Chance, your father has fallen out of the nest of our love and into the waiting arms of a… young, sexbomb vulture. CHANCE: Dad met another woman? DESIREE: She's eighteen… CHANCE: Eighteen, my god mother, she was conceived in the eighties. DESIREE: That's why I had to leave. I couldn't stand to see them together- CHANCE: She was staying at the house? DESIREE: (nods) It's all my fault. I met her at an AA meeting. She had nowhere to go…and I invited her to stay with us. CHANCE: Oh shit, Mother, you didn't... DESIREE: I did (nods and sighs) CHANCE: Go on. DESIREE: That's it. She moved in and - and I moved out three months later. CHANCE: Do Zero and company know? DESIREE: I don't want your brother and Lizzy to know. He has such a perfect marriage and mine is - it's just a failure... CHANCE: They're gonna find out, Mother. DESIREE: No, they won't. I consulted my psychic, and she told me that if I wait six months the whole thing'll blow over. CHANCE: Then why the divorce? DESIREE: She says that I have to sever the relationship completely… so that your father will… will realize what he's lost. CHANCE: How long has this been going on? DESIREE: Almost a year-- CHANCE: (shocked) And you're just now telling me? DESIREE: I didn't have a chance before, Chance. CHANCE: Oh Jesus, Mother. (quiet) Oh… Jesus, Mother Cut to CHANCE's bedroom, later. SIMON, now in his own clothes, sits on the bed with CHANCE. She is leaning on him and looks depressed. CHANCE: So now my mother wants to stay with me until the whole thing blows over. SIMON: Do you think she has a sister? CHANCE: Who? My m- (realises) You perv... She smacks him with a pillow. SIMON: (unconcerned) Well, you know, eighteen isn't that young. CHANCE: (straight to the camera) Only a guy could say that a thirty year age difference is a good thing. (to SIMON) She's - she's young enough to be his granddaughter… SIMON: Chance, there's nothing you can do about it. Just sit tight and it'll blow over like your mom said. CHANCE: Oh, God I'm so depressed. SIMON takes her hand. CHANCE (suspicious) What're you doing? SIMON: (removes his hand) I was trying to comfort you. CHANCE: Comfort my ass. You were trying to come on to me while I was in the middle of being emotionally scarred. How low can you go? SIMON: (frustrated) But I NEED that two hundred dollars, Chance. Please? CHANCE: (sighs) Well… you did wear that hideous dress for me all weekend. SIMON: I did (waits). CHANCE: Okay, you win. But you still owe me... SIMON jumps up and down on his knees on the bed, big grin on his face. CHANCE: (straight to camera) So I felt sorry for him. That doesn't mean I cut just anybody a check. SIMON: (still jumping, sing-song) I got my money, I got my money! Cut to CHANCE's kitchen. A young man (GUY) Sits at the table playing cards. He looks like a moron. CHANCE (V.O): Like with Guy. My first love. Money kind of killed that relationship. (girly) Guy was so cool, and interesting…We could talk about anything. Lint in your belly button for example, for like hours. We had simpatico - whatever that really is. GUY: Have you ever thought about why moths are so attracted to light? I mean, have you ever given it like just ten minutes of just, pure concentration? I bet if you were to take the time (arrogant) to think things through, and you were to give… give every action careful thought and planning - that this life would be a much easier place to live in. CHANCE: (not interested) Hm. Probably. GUY: Not probably, definitely. CHANCE: Alright, definitely. Why's everything have to be so serious? GUY: Because life is serious. CHANCE: I agree, but not everything has to be so intense. CHANCE (V.O): Guy did take things a little seriously, but still - he was an amazing kisser and he smelled good. And that definitely counts for something. CHANCE and GUY are in her bathroom. He is examining his teeth in the mirror. GUY: Do you think my teeth are too white? CHANCE: No, not too white, not really. CHANCE (V.O.): The only thing that really bugged me about him? Was the way he asked me girl questions. GUY: (still examining his teeth) Do you think my teeth are too perfect? CHANCE: I didn't say that very well, did I? GUY: You think my teeth are too perfect…I suppose you think my gums are too pink, too, huh? CHANCE: Noo. GUY: Maybe I should just stop brushing my teeth, would that help? You know cause than my teeth wouldn't be so perfect. CHANCE: That's gross. GUY: I bet you don't even like kissing me, do you? Because my teeth are too perfect. Least my teeth aren't all fucked up like yours. (he leaves, upset) CHANCE: Ugh (examines teeth in mirror) My teeth are not fucked up… CHANCE (V.O.): Shit like that can really mess with your head. And for the record, my teeth are so not fucked up. Cut to GUY and CHANCE in her living room. GUY passes CHANCE a slice of pizza. GUY: Do you really think you should eat that. CHANCE: (stares at GUY) Yeah, why? GUY: It's just a thought, you know. CHANCE: Well, let's not have that particular thought again, okay? GUY: I'm just saying- CHANCE: But it's rude. What you're saying is like so totally rude. GUY: Then I won't say it. CHANCE: (annoyed) Then don't. GUY: I won't. CHANCE (V.O.): He was a shit. I admit it. I liked a shit. He said callous things that were just plain jerky. And then to top it all off, he wanted to borrow money. Cut to CHANCE and GUY groping on the sofa. CHANCE (V.O.): At the time - and this was long before I even thought about thinking about knowing Simon - sex was one hell of a motivator. Use sex, and you could probably talk me into anything. GUY: (sexily) Thanks for the loan, Chance. CHANCE: (shy) Nothing. GUY: So, I'll uh, come by later and we can, uh (raises an eyebrow) CHANCE: (smitten) Mhmm. GUY: Alright. CHANCE is on the sofa as GUY leaves and blows her a kiss. She waves at him. When he leaves, she gets up to look out of the window at him. CHANCE (V.O.): And then poof, he was gone - no sex, no nothing. The paramedics said he didn't feel much pain, but- CHANCE's face turns from sexily pouting at GUY to horror, as we hear the squeal of tyres and a loud thud. CHANCE (V.O): I know it's totally wrong to think this way, but I truly believe that loaning someone money is on a par with hiring a hit man to come and give 'em a hole in the head. Poor Guy, (cheery) but at least no more control freaks in Chance's life. Cut to the courtyard. CHANCE is disgusted as she walks to her apartment and sees MILTON looking through her window. She pokes his shoulder. CHANCE: What are you doing? MILTON: I was just looking at the bugs. You have dead bugs at the bottom of your window. CHANCE: Look at dead bugs somewhere else. I am in the middle of a family crisis here. MILTON: Oh. CHANCE: Yeah, oh. MILTON: Dead bugs don't die natural deaths. Something kills them. CHANCE: (nodding) You don't say. MILTON: Yeah, uhuh. CHANCE takes MILTONS arm and drags him to his own apartment, where she pushes him through the door and shuts it. CHANCE: And stay in there. (straight to camera) Dead bugs don't die a natural death? That one leaves me absolutely clueless. Cut to CHANCE's living room. DESIREE is doing her yoga cross legged on the floor. SIMON skips into the room and sings lightly to himself as he skips around. SIMON: I got my mo-ney, I got my mo-ney… SIMON stops and sits next to DESIREE, adopting the same position. CHANCE walks in and kneels in front of DESIREE. CHANCE: (calmly) Mother… DESIREE: Hmmm? CAHNCE: (innocent) Mother. I've done something - bad. DESIREE: (full of yogic calm) Life is relative, my love. CHANCE: I called Dad, and invited him and his (chokes on the words) Personal Assistant out to dinner tonight. DESIREE: You what? (starts to hyperventilate and crawl under the sofa cushions) CHANCE (V.O): I had to do something. My mother was completely losing her mind. I mean, she was always a loon, but all this Chakra, new agey stuff only happened after she got dumped. There was no way, Jose, I was gonna live with my mother again, and- Cut to CHANCE inviting RORY in, SIMON helping tie RORYs tie for him. SIMON rolls his eyes. CHANCE (V.O): Rory was like some puppy dog that needed looking after 24-7. I figured pimping him out to my dad's nubile young (disgusted) Personal Assistant would kill two birds with one stone. Cut to the exterior of a boat, night. DESIREE grabs on to a railing. CHANCE sighs. CHANCE: Mother… I'm sorry I brought you here under false pretences but, this whole you trying to move into my place thing, is really starting to grate. DESIREE: (still hyperventilating) I can't, I can't go in there. CHANCE: Mother stop. You're acting like a baby. DESIREE: Of course I am, he's in there… DESIREE keels over in a faint, falling into RORYs arms, who carries her off. CHANCE: (straight to camera) This….this has got to stop. I mean, sure, there's a part of me that would like to harbour my 'fugitive on the run from love' mother. But the other, rooted in rationality part of my brain, starts laughing hysterically at this misguided attempt to create some sort of, extracurricular sort of mother-daughter bond, which is just going to lead to unwanted mother-daughter aura massages, faith healing soirees, third eye training seminars - God knows what else. (desperate) I can't take it any more. CHANCE walks off. MALCOLM and his assistant HEIDI are greeting their visitors from the boat. MALCOLM: The removal of all foot attire is required before boarding the vessel. HEIDI: Welcome, to Chez Heidi. DESIREE: I'm gonna faint. (to RORY) I'm gonna faint. CHANCE: Stop it mother (to MALCOLM) Dad it is so good to see you! MALCOLM: Chance. This is my Personal Assistant Heidi. HEIDI: I type. CHANCE: That's nice. HEIDI: (gasps) Oh my God. (to RORY) You're Rico Harrington. MALCOLM: Who's that? CHANCE: Oh that's just my friend Rory. You know he plays on that soap opera, The Young and the Senseless. MALCOLM: (impressed) Oh, my! A movie star. How exciting. CHANCE: (straight to camera) Even my dad, who hates t.v., was impressed. Cut to interior of the boat. The guests are sat around a table. MALCOLM: I hope nobody minds, but I took the liberty of procuring us some organic wine. HEIDI: (flirting to RORY) I watch you every day, Rico. MALCOLM: Oh yes, my daughter Chance, says that you are a real movie star. RORY: Well- HEIDI: But I can't believe that you are still dating that slut Bianca Wentworth. She' s such a bitch. (confidentially) They're afraid to tell you, but I think you should know…she's having an affair, with your twin brother Rocco. MALCOLM: (intrigued) Oh my God, really? HEIDI: Mhmm. Cut to CHANCE outside the bathroom door. CHANCE: (straight to camera) My mother's locked herself in the bathroom. (nods) I'm just gonna wait. Actually, my dad bought this boat for my mother as a wedding present. They were gonna sail to Australia together, but he could never figure out how to get it out of the frickin' harbour. Cut To HEIDI, using a cushion to hide whatever she is taking to MALCOLM and RORY. HEIDI: (giggling) Malky honey, I got a surprise for you. The guy at the grocery store said they were (struggles) aphro- disiams. MALCOLM: Aphrodisiacs? HEIDI: Yeah, that's the word. (reveals tray of oysters) MALCOLM: (grossed out) Oh, oh, nothing with a face my dear, nothing with a face. Say it after me. Nothing with a face. HEIDI: (worried) Nothing with a face. MALCOLM: This is a mantra to live by, my dear. (to RORY) A mantra to live by. HEIDI: I don't see any faces, Malky- MALCOLM: Oh that's not the point, you see- HEIDI: (chirpy again) Oh, well, then lets set them free. (giggles as she leaves) Swim away, little oysters, swim away home! MALCOLM: (to RORY) I didn't know you were coming tonight, son. I thought tonight a purely female affair. RORY: (clinks glasses with MALCOLM) No problem. (to HEIDI) You were so sweet, I mean, setting the oysters free like that. HEIDI: Well. That's just the way I am. DESIREE and CHANCE enter from the bathroom. DESIREE: (to CHANCE) I have a very small bladder. The guests stare at each other. CHANCE: So, Malcolm, what's with the Personal Assistant? HEIDI: I type. CHANCE: You already told me that. (to MALCOLM) But seriously, what does she do? HEIDI: I type. I can do like twenty-five words per minute. Malcolm says I'm getting really fast. Oh! And I really really dig giving deep tissue massages. It's very cathertic. MALCOLM: Artic. HEIDI: Oh yeah. (thinks) Like the place where the polar bear's are, right Malky? Silence. CHANCE: So my dad pays you to type and massage him? HEIDI: Mhmm. Well I do lot's of stuff around the house, too. I love to clean when I'm naked. I get all hot and sweaty. (to RORY) It's great for exfoliation. RORY: Really? HEIDI: Mhmm. It's really good for the circulatory system. Releases toxins. Malky taught me that. CHANCE: What else did Malky teach you? HEIDI: Have you heard of tantric sex? DESIREE faints. MALCOLM: Uh. Uh, Heidi? Why don't you take Rico out…side, and uh, show him the boo-eys? Huh? HEIDI: Oh. Yeah. They're really neat. (as RORY gives her his jacket) I could watch them bob up and down all day long. (re: jacket) Oh Rico, you're so…chives regal. MALCOLM: (as the two leave) Chivalrous, my dear. (pause) Desiree? DESIREE: (gets up and sits on the floor next to Malcolm) I'm sorry you're girlfriend makes me sick. CHANCE: Dad, would you just tell me what the hell is going on around here? MALCOLM: (confused) I'm not quite sure myself what happened. Your mother brings home this poor wraith of a girl one day, and announces that she's moving in with us. Then she goes on and on about widening her horizons, and experimenting in a kind of- CHANCE: Mother! MALCOLM: Well of course I wanted to be supportive of her experimentation, but then Heidi preferred me to her, and- DESIREE: You seduced her! You liked her better than me. MALCOLM: That's not true! She seduced me, and (to CHANCE) she's not even my type. DESIREE: Ha…what do you mean she's not your type? MALCOLM: You're my type. I know that now. DESIREE: She's still here. MALCOLM: You fled the nest. DESIREE: I thought you didn't love me any more. MALCOLM: (soppy) Oh, my dove. How could you think that? (gets on floor with DESIREE) You are the only woman I will ever love. Attractions come and go, but true love? For aught that I could ever read, could ever hear by tale or history… CHANCE looks soppily at her parents as they continue to act out Lysander & Hermia's conversation from A Midsummer Nights Dream. DESIREE: The course of true love never did run smooth… MALCOLM: But, either it was different in blood- DESIREE: O cross! too high to be enthralled too low- MALCOLM: Or else misgraffed in respect of years DESIREE: O spite! too old to be engaged to young MALCOLM: Or else it stood upon the choice of friends DESIREE: O hell! to choose by another's eyes They kiss. Chance looks a little worried. CHANCE: (straight to camera) On that note… Cut to CHANCE's bedroom. SIMON is still sitting on the floor quietly contemplating the dead girl on the bed. CHANCE (V.O): So let's fast forward back to the future 'cause all this skipping around is starting to give me a headache. CHANCE enters her apartment carrying a pizza box. She puts her stuff on the counter and notices the bag of groceries. She pulls out a stick of heavy duty deodorant. CHANCE: Eww, is Simon feeling not so fresh today? She walks to the bedroom with the deodorant held out in front of her like a laser gun. She stops when she sees the dead girl on her bed. She is shocked, and goes to sit with SIMON. CHANCE (V.O.): I swear to God I took the drugs away from her. Cut to CHANCE's bedroom, earlier. CHANCE and SARA mess around on the bed. SARA goes to take something from her top. CHANCE (V.O): She'd been in my bed for like twenty-four hours. I thought she was gonna pull out handcuffs or something. SARA pulls out a little bag filled with powder. SARA: Fun in a baggie. She starts to laugh hysterically. CHANCE: I don't think that's such a good idea. SARA: Oh come on… Cut to CHANCE's bedroom - SIMON and CHANCE are as we left them. CHANCE: We can't just leave like that, Simon. I mean, she is a human being. SIMON: Was a human being. She's dead now, Chance. She's nothing anymore. CHANCE: (upset) Don't say that. It's not true. SIMON: (quiet) It is true. She's dead now, and she's never gonna be alive again. Face it, Chance, this whole 'life' thing is majorly fucked up. CHANCE: Don't. Just stop it- SIMON: No matter what you do, it's totally out of your control. CHANCE (V.O): Then it dawned on me why Simon was so obsessed with time. Cut to - outside the bar, night. SIMON still waits for his date. He looks impatient and checks his watch. CHANCE (V.O): Simon was terrified of death. And like some thirteen year old girl who feels like her life is so out of control that she can't eat anything with calories, he was trying to control the one thing he felt he could… the clock. Cut to CHANCE's kitchen. SIMON aggressively peels an orange. CHANCE (V.O): What do you do with a dead body? I mean, it's not like you can just dump it somewhere and hope for the best. SIMON: Damnit, damnit, damnit! He throws the orange against the wall. CHANCE: What did that orange ever do to you? SIMON: Bite me. CHANCE bends down, picks up the orange and puts it back on the table. CHANCE: Okay, we're in the middle of a crisis situation here, so don't fucking freak out on me, okay? SIMON: It's not my problem. I didn't invite the freak back to my house, then let her OD on my bed. CHANCE: She's not a freak. She's a human being- SIMON: (stressed) Well, this situation is majorly stressing me out here, Chance. I mean, it's not like you were the one who fuckin' touched her-- CHANCE: You touched her? SIMON: Yeah, I thought it was you. CHANCE: I can't believe you let me touch what you were touching. SIMON: Huh? CHANCE: The orange! Go wash your hands. She goes to the sink and starts to furiously wash her hands. SIMON: (staring at CHANCE, concerned) Chance, stop it. She ignores him and pours more soap on her hands. He gets up and pulls her hands away from the water, turning off the tap. SIMON: (softly) Chance. Hey, Chance, Chance, stop it. Oh hey, Shhh…it's alright. It's alright. She starts to sob. SIMON pulls her to him and holds her close. He strokes her hair continuing to hold her body to his. After a moment, CHANCE pulls away slightly and looks up at SIMON's face. They stare at each other. SIMON slowly leans forward and kisses CHANCE on the lips. It gets more passionate and they end up on the floor. Cut to CHANCE's living room. CHANCE and SIMON lie curled up next to each other on the carpet, covered with a blue blanket. CHANCE is facing away from SIMON. CHANCE: Did you ever think about sleeping with me before? SIMON: (hesitant) Yeah... CHANCE: You did? When? SIMON: I don't know. It wasn't a… conscious sort of thing. CHANCE: What? You never looked at me and thought, "Yeah, I'd like to fuck her." SIMON: I don't think like that. (pause) I would never think 'fuck' in my head. I would think 'make love'. CHANCE: (laughs) Make love? SIMON: (exasperated, getting up to look at CHANCE) I don't fuck everything I come into contact with, like you. I have some sense of propriety. CHANCE: Propriety my ass! You're just so fucking scared of being rejected that you tell everyone to fuck off first. SIMON: You don't know me at all, then, Chance. CHANCE: Yeah, I think I know a hell of a lot about you, Simon, since you've fuckin' been living on my couch for the past year! SIMON: When I like a woman, I don't just 'fuck' her. I want to make love to her. I want there to be some sort of spiritual connection. CHANCE: (getting dressed) Yeah, well. Congratulations, Simon, you just had your first fuck. Chance gets up and runs to the bedroom. Simon wonders what just happened. Inside the bedroom, she sits in a chair and looks at SARAs corpse. CHANCE: (to SARA) Why do men have to be such assholes? (straight to camera) I mean, we were both freaked out and we just went a little too far. It's not like it's a bad thing I just fucked my best friend. (thinking) Did I just say Simon was my best friend? Jeez, I never thought of it like that before. There's like some unspoken rule, you're not supposed to sleep with your best friend, right? Shit. CHANCE goes back to the living room. SIMON has gone. She picks up the blanket. CHANCE: (straight to camera) Double shit. Now what am I supposed to do? It's not like you find a corpse in your bed every day of the week. Cut to CHANCE's living room, later. CHANCE is dragging SARAs corpse on to the couch. She struggles to get her on there. CHANCE (V.O): I had never seen a dead body before. It's not like death is some horrible, terrible thing if you think about it intellectually. Ignore me. I'm full of shit. Cut to MINSTREL in CHANCE's kitchen. MINSTREL: (sings) I stumbled home last night
CHANCE comes out of the bedroom and screams when she sees that Sara is gone. With a pocket full of change I spent my last forty dollars On a girl with no name They say you won't ever win If you don't play the game So I play and play and play and play And it all goes the same What happened to me What happened to me [shot of CHANCE trying to sleep on the bed] Life got hard Or I got dumb It's just a mean little game That's what it's become I had myself A nice little plan But it's all gone to shit [shot of CHANCE reading, she is waiting for the phone to ring] And the worst of it Has not hit the fan Love used to feel Sacred and true Now I will fuck a stranger Just for something to do But whenever I'm lonely baby I still think of you You know I still dream of you Why do I Still dream of you Life got hard Or I got dumb It's just a mean little game They sucked out the fun I had myself A nice little plan But it's all gone to shit [shot of CHANCE asleep on the bed] And the worst of it Has not hit the fan SARA: (off screen) Morning. CHANCE turns and sees Sara sitting at the kitchen table eating a piece of leftover pizza. CHANCE: Oh, my God… CHANCE faints. SARA puts her pizza down and goes over to rouse her. She helps CHANCE sit up. SARA: You thought I was dead, eh? Well, you can't kill this old horse. CHANCE: But- SARA: I just needed a bit of rest, that all. Well. Thanks for the crash and the pizza. She leaves. Later, CHANCE is lying on the sofa, when there is a knock at the door. CHANCE leaps up and runs to the door, thinking that it's SIMON. She flings open the door and leaps on MILTON. CHANCE: Simon, where have you- Ah! (backing away from MILTON) Shit! What do you want? MILTON: I uh, CHANCE: Would you just spit it out, Milton? I am so not in the mood to deal with your dead bug shit. MILTON: I just wanted to tell you that I was moving. CHANCE: (from behind the wall) And why are you telling me this? MILTON: I've been living in this apartment building for many years now, and you were the only person here that was the least bit interesting in all that time. CHANCE: Gee, that's, um…nice of you to say. MILTON: And you lead such an amazing life. I've watched you from my little place. I've watched all the people troop in and out of your life - and no matter what happens, you still leave your door open. You're not afraid. CHANCE: What's there to be afraid of? MILTON: Believe me Chance, there's a lot out there to be scared of. CHANCE: (nods) Yeah. You're right, there is a lot of stuff out there that's not so nice. I'm scared all the time. If you wanna know the truth. (pause) What are you scared of? MILTON: I'm scared of the dead bugs. They don't die a natural death. Something kills them. CHANCE: Maybe the bugs just got sad. Maybe they just, sat down somewhere and, folded up their little wings…and went to sleep. Forever. MILTON: Maybe. CHANCE: Yeah, maybe. MILTON: (takes something from his pocket and gives it to CHANCE) This is for you. CHANCE: (takes it) What is it? Shot of flypaper. MILTON: (kindly) The dead bugs. To remember to leave your door open. (pause) My mom worries about me when I go out. CHANCE: You should probably go back, huh? MILTON: (cheerful) Okay. MILTON leaves. CHANCE leans against the door and sighs. CHANCE: (straight to camera) Sometimes the…strangest people make the most sense. There is another knock on the door. Chance opens it to JONNY. JONNY: Oh hey, Chance. (walks past her) I was uh, talking to Simon, down at the grocery store you know? Discussing this whole tofu cheese thing. And it really got me thinking about some stuff. Yeah. And then this morning at yoga class- CHANCE: Oh, damn it I missed class. JONNY: Oh no, it's cool. I told the swami you had the cramps. CHANCE: Eww. Why did you do that? JONNY: I don't know, my girlfriend always says that when she doesn't want to do something and it always works. CHANCE: That is so disgusting. JONNY: Anyway. I've been thinking about some stuff, and I was wondering if Simon was around. CHANCE: Um. He's not here right now. JONNY: Oh. Do you know when he'll be back? CHANCE: I don't know - he uh, soon, I think. JONNY: Well is it cool if I wait for him, it's kind of important. CHANCE: I um, (sighs as she follows JONNY to the living room) JONNY: Hey, you got anything to eat? CHANCE: Some leftover pizza. JONNY: I love leftover pizza. CHANCE sighs and goes to the fridge. JONNY: But, my girlfriend says it gives me gas. (CHANCE stops and walks back to JONNY) But I won't tell her if you won't. CHANCE: (annoyed) So now you want the pizza. JONNY: That'd be great, thanks. CHANCE rolls her eyes and stalks back to the fridge. She gets a slice out and takes in to JONNY on a piece of kitchen towel. JONNY: Hey, yummy. CHANCE: You know, Jonny? I just - I just really can't deal with your shit right now, okay? JONNY: You seem upset, is something wrong? CHANCE: (through clenched teeth) Yes Jonny I am upset! JONNY: (patronising) Do you have the cramps? CHANCE: Get out. Get out, get out… CHANCE takes the pizza from JONNY and hits him with it, chasing him out of the apartment. Cut to CHANCE staring at the microwave clock. CHANCE (V.O): Where the hell was Simon? It wasn't like him not to come home. Cut to a park, daytime. SIMON is asleep on a park bench. JACK: (off screen) Hey. SIMON: (waking up) Huh? JACK: Yeah, I thought you looked familiar. Didn't I see you at a club a couple of weeks ago? SIMON: (looking skyward) You got to be kidding. JACK: You mind if I sit? SIMON: Yeah. It's a public bench. JACK: (laughs) You're funny. SIMON: I wasn't really trying to be- JACK: (sitting) You got a cigarette? SIMON: I don't smoke. JACK: That's good. I totally respect someone who doesn't want to pollute his body. He looks SIMON up and down. SIMON starts to laugh hysterically. SIMON: Oh my God. You're gay. (laughs more) JACK: (offended) Yeah, so what. You got a problem with it? SIMON: Oh no, I think it's great. Wonderful, actually. JACK: Oh, that's cool. You? SIMON: Am I a homosexual? No. JACK: Most people don't say homosexual. SIMON: Really? JACK: Yeah, I'm from Port- SIMON: Oregon. I know. JACK: You do? SIMON: Can I see your arm? JACK sticks out his arm. CHANCE's faded phone number is still there. JACK: How'd you know about that? It won't come off. SIMON: It's a pretty fucked up story. You sure you wanna hear it? JACK: Sure. SIMON: Well. The girl who wrote that number on your arm- JACK: Oh yeah. She was nice. Very feminine. SIMON: Yeah, well, she's kinda got it in her head that you're the guy she's been waiting for all her life. JACK: Me? I'm uh, pretty gay... SIMON: She thinks you're straight. But that's not even the fucked up part. JACK: No? SIMON: The fucked up part is that for some asinine reason I'm… madly in love with her. JACK: (sympathetic) Oh, that sucks. SIMON: And then I did this really stupid thing. JACK: What? SIMON: I slept with her. JACK: Oh. SIMON: And now she hates me, and everything's totally screwed. Cut to CHANCE on her living room floor, speaking straight to camera. CHANCE: Hold on just one little minute there, buddy. Why does the guy just assume that every post-coital argument is like the utter absolute end of that particular relationship? I mean, Jesus, it's not like men are not surrounded by women their entire lives; that they haven't realised that behind every angry outburst is a sobbing, insecure woman who just wants to be told that she kicks more ass than any other girl he's ever met. God... Cut to SIMON, pacing up and down in front of JACK. SIMON: It makes no sense. She's selfish, self-involved, uptight, bitchy, overly analytical- wait. That's me, that last part. But all the rest? You look all that up in the dictionary, it's her picture. JACK: There has to be something nice about her? SIMON: She lent me money once. (considers) But that was like pulling teeth. Cut to CHANCE in her apartment, speaking straight to camera. CHANCE: I totally resent that! I mean who's been sleeping on my couch like for forever, huh? Who gives whom the grocery money? This so bites. Cut back to the park. SIMON sits down on the bench and sighs. SIMON: But she does really smell amazing. JACK: Yeah? SIMON: (smiles) Yeah. You always know she's been in a room 'cause it smells like ginger and vanilla. JACK: Does she cook? SIMON: Nah, she wouldn't know a convection oven from a toilet. Cut to CHANCE in her apartment, speaking straight to camera. CHANCE: (offended) Excuse me?! Cut back to the park. SIMON: She gets this essential oils from the mall. They're just really nice... comforting. And, of course she's beautiful. She's got the most amazing eyes. They're like two intense bottomless pools of soul. JACK: Hmm. SIMON: Yeah. She's pretty fucking amazing. JACK: Sometimes I sleep with women. SIMON: Huh? JACK: But only when they, kinda look like a guy. But only sometimes. SIMON just stares at him. Cut to CHANCE, eating a huge carton of ice cream. CHANCE: (to camera) I hate men. Whenever I feel like shit over a guy I always end up gaining ten pounds. I think in some unconscious way my body's trying to make sure that when the guy finally does come around to make it up to me, he finds a big fat pig staring at him and runs away screaming. [cut to CHANCE standing in the kitchen] All that stuff about me being a bitch? Well, I guess it's true. It's just, it's just - I'm just trying to protect very vulnerable part of me that hides in here. [cut to CHANCE sitting on the counter] All my life I've been trying to be like the guys. Being sensitive sucks 'cause you get so fuckin' hurt. Men aren't sensitive, they just - go round using women and having a great time. I wanted to be like that. I admired it, in a very sick and twisted kind of way. So, I tried to ignore all the estrogen coursing through my veins. Yeah, right. (upset, eating ice cream) I hate you, Simon. Cut to park. SIMON is staring at JACK. JACK: It's not that I'm not attracted to women… SIMON: Uh-huh? JACK: I like people. I like all people. SIMON: Your point? JACK: I'm not a bad guy. SIMON: I never said you were. JACK: I just grew up in a repressive Christian household with an alcoholic father and a victim of a mother. SIMON: I think you should see somebody about all this. JACK: Yeah. The last guy I dated said I had - issues. SIMON: I would tend to agree. JACK: You know, I feel really comfortable with you, man. I think I could tell you anything. You should really think about doing this for a living. SIMON: Look, I've kind of enjoyed our conversation in a very strange way, but I gotta get out of here. I uh, think I'm allergic to the grass. He fake sneezes. JACK hands him a hankie. SIMON: Thanks. JACK: I'd give you my number, but I don't have a phone. SIMON: That's totally cool. He fake sneezes again, and leaves. Cut to CHANCE's apartment. CHANCE is asleep on the sofa, wrapped in the blue blanket. SIMON unlocks the door and lets himself in. CHANCE sits up and looks around. CHANCE: Simon? SIMON: Uh-huh? CHANCE gets up and runs over to him. She flings herself into his arms. He puts his arms round her. CHANCE: I hate you. SIMON: That's nice. CHANCE: I hate the way you're time obsessed. SIMON: Are we playing that 'name all of Simon's faults' game? CHANCE: Yeah. SIMON: (breaks away a little) It was stupid of me to run away like that. I'm sorry. CHANCE: You should be. It really sucked. SIMON: I'm sorry. CHANCE: (kisses SIMONs neck) Don't you wanna know what happened to the dead girl? SIMON: Did the police come? CHANCE: No. Why should they? SIMON: I don't know. I just thought they'd be involved, somehow. CHANCE: She wasn't dead, dummy. She got up and left this morning. Scared the shit out of me. SIMON: Chance, you are delusional. That girl was dead. CHANCE: It's not like either of us checked for a pulse or anything. SIMON: You've gotta be kidding me. CHANCE: Nope. Cross my heart hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. SIMON: (happy) Unbelievable. (pause) Then I won't feel guilty when I make love to you. In your bed. With the lights down, and no dead body to scare us. They kiss. SIMON picks her up and carries her into the bedroom. CHANCE (V.O): So that's how we made up after we had our first fight. I'm sure you're just jumping for joy over that story 'cause it's just so fucking cool... Not. Cut to MINSTREL. MINSTREL: (sings) You tell me you're tired
End Credits.Of things that don't last You're tired of men who Flirt and pose but never ask And you are tired Of getting all dolled up You're tired of wine and dine When all you want Is a good hard fuck Sister you're in luck You tell me you're tired of being treated Like a china doll You're tired of dinner in a trendy joint And have them pay for it all Where are the real men you ask And you wonder why All your dates seem to do is Talk and whine and cry Honey I'm you're guy 'Cause I won't spend A dime on you Or toe the line Like those other chumps do Sex ain't the only thing That I find appealing But it's a fine place to start Lets do it one more time with feeling Lets do it one more time with feeling… | |
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